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Things I noticed while sitting in the back row

I have been to several concerts in my lifetime, but until the Taylor Hicks concert at the House of Blues - Dallas, I had never sat in the back row. The main reason for this is that at most concert venues, the back row is usually located 5.3 miles from the stage. In order to see the singer/band on stage, you have to have either 20/1 eyesight or a pair of binoculars as powerful as the Hubble Space Telescope. You could watch the action on stage on one of those giant 500" monitors that are often erected throughout the concert venue, but if I wanted to watch a concert on TV I would have stayed home. After all, the seating at my place is a lot more comfortable and it doesn't cost me $50 per show.

It wasn't my intention to sit in the back row during my first Taylor Hicks concert, but that is where the ADA seating was located. I'm not sure where I thought the ADA seating would be located, but figuring that out would have required thinking. And, as Steff routinely reminds me, she didn't bring me on board to think.

The back row isn't a bad place to sit at the House of Blues in Dallas. First of all, the back row I'm referring to was located on the balcony. But unlike most concert venues, the balcony here overlapped most of the general admission floor. It was also angeled such a way that it almost seemed like I had a front row seat. I could clearly make out every expression Taylor made on his face during the concert, and could clearly see where the sweat had soaked through Taylor's shirt. In fact, I think I had a better viewing point than the people at the back of the general admission floor.

So not only did I have a great seat to see Taylor perform, I was also in a great seat to see a lot of things I'm sure I have missed at previous concerts.

For example, I could clearly see the looks on the faces of three guys sitting in the row in front of me. I noticed these guys when they walked in with their wives about 30 minutes before the concert started. All three of them clearly did not want to be there and had probably only come with their wives under threats of "if you don't come, I won't be responsible should I accidentally board Taylor's bus after the concert." (From what I've seen and read over the past year, it's apparently not uncommon for female Soul Patrollers to tell their husbands "if I don't come home tonight, it's because Taylor and I have run off together" before heading out the door to a concert.)

Whatever their reasons for tagging along, the three husbands sitting in front of me looked like death warmed over by the time the concert started. It was so bad, I was tempted to call 9-1-1 and report that three corpses had escaped from the local mortuary. Things didn't improve for them as the concert progressed. Although these husbands were looking at the stage, there was absolutely no signs of life in them. They didn't tap their feet along with the beat, drum their hands on their knees along with the drummer, or even move their head to the music. Just as I was about to give up all hope for them, I did notice some signs of life when they stood with the rest of the balcony at the end of the main set. But, alas, it turned out they were too far gone by then. By the time the encore performance had ended, white sheets were being placed over their cold, lifeless bodies.

I seriously don't understand how those three guys could just sit there like that during Taylor's extremely energetic and feet-tapping performance. Whatever their reasons for going, it was clearly not their choice. And they were intent on not enjoying themselves. If you dislike who is performing that much, why go into the concert part at all? House of Blues has a bar. They could have stayed in the bar and talked amongst themselves while their wives drooled.... I mean watched the concert.

These death-warmed over husbands should have had the attitude of two other guys who were sitting about 4 rows ahead of them. Like the husbands, these other two guys were clearly not there to see Taylor. More than likely, they caved into threats of "either come with me or I will never go see another action/sci-fi/testosterone laced movie with you again" (though why these guys thought that a threat, I have no idea).

The difference, in this case, is that these guys were there for the beer. With a full bar in the back of the balcony, these guys alternated making repeated trips to the bar. While this was okay before the concert, it did become a problem during the concert. About the 4th time one of them got up, thus blocking my view of the stage YET AGAIN, I had to resist the urge to walk over to him, lead him down to the railing, point out the stage I was trying to watch, and then push him over. But hey, at least he was enjoying his time there.

Then there was the lady on the general admission floor close to the stage...... wait a minute, did I just see her throw her panties on stage at the sax player? Do people really still do this? On second thought, I don't want to know. I've read most of the threads on the forum and at this point, I wouldn't put anything past you where Taylor is concerned.

Last, but not least, was a poor lady who had an aisle seat immediately behind the balcony railing. Clearly, this lady wanted to be on the general admission floor waving her arms and dancing to the beat. She repeatedly tried to stand, but finding no takers in the balcony, had to be content with squirming in her seat. For a while, I was afraid she was going to jump over the railing in order to get out of the confines of her seat.

But just when I thought she was a goner, Taylor ended the main set and left the stage. This caused everyone in the balcony to stand, much to this poor lady's relief. She immediately started dancing around, throwing her head back, and waving her arms around. And even when the balcony sat back down after Taylor came out for his encore, her excitement and need to move to the beat could not be rebottled. In fact, she was still there even after Taylor left the stage for the final time and the crowd began filing out. The last time I saw her, she was still grooving to the beat in her head.

Honestly, she put some of you other so-called Taylor addicts to shame.

So that is some of the things I noticed while sitting in the back row of the Taylor concert. I might have to do this back row thing again one of these days. If I do, and it's not at the House of Blues, I hope I remember to bring my Hubble Space Telescope powered binoculars, because I'm never gonna have 20/1 eyesight.

Leave a comment behind and let me know what you think of my observations.

Tags: Taylor Hicks, American Idol, Birmingham, Alabama